Divorce Attorney Guide: Mediation vs. Litigation
- Meason & Morris Law
- Jul 13
- 9 min read
Going through a divorce is one of the hardest things a person can face. Your life is changing, and you have to make big choices about your future. One of the biggest choices you will make is how to handle your divorce legally. Should you go to court and fight it out? Or should you sit down and work things out together?
As a trusted divorce attorney at Meason & Morris Law, we know this choice is not easy. We have helped many families in Washington, Nowata, Osage, and Rogers counties in Oklahoma. We want to help you understand your options.
This guide will explain the two main ways to handle a divorce: mediation and litigation. We will talk about how each process works, how much it costs, and what the outcomes can be. Our goal is to give you the facts so you can make the best choice for you and your family.
What is Divorce Mediation?
Divorce mediation is a way to settle your divorce without going to court. In mediation, you and your spouse meet with a neutral person called a mediator. The mediator does not take sides. They do not make decisions for you. Instead, they help you and your spouse talk to each other. They help you figure out how to split your property, handle child custody, and agree on support payments.
Mediation is a team effort. You and your spouse must be willing to work together. You must be willing to compromise. If you can do this, mediation can be a great way to end your marriage peacefully.
The Steps of the Mediation Process
The mediation process is usually much simpler than going to court. Here are the basic steps:
Find a Mediator:
You and your spouse agree on a mediator to hire. This person should be trained in family law and mediation.
Gather Information:
Before you start, you will need to gather all your financial information. This includes bank statements, tax returns, and property records. Both spouses must be honest and share everything.
The Meetings:
You will meet with the mediator. This can happen in one long meeting or several shorter ones. You will talk about all the issues you need to resolve. The mediator will guide the conversation and help you find solutions.
The Agreement:
If you reach an agreement on all issues, the mediator will write it down. This is called a marital settlement agreement.
Finalizing the Divorce:
Even with mediation, a judge still has to approve your divorce. But since you already agreed on everything, this is usually a fast and easy step. A divorce attorney can review the agreement before you sign it and help you file the final paperwork.
The Cost of Mediation
One of the biggest benefits of mediation is the cost. It is almost always cheaper than litigation. In mediation, you usually split the cost of the mediator with your spouse. The total cost of mediation often ranges from $3,000 to $8,000.
You can also hire a divorce attorney to give you advice during the process. This will add to the cost, but it is still much less than paying a lawyer to fight for you in court for months or years.
The Outcomes of Mediation
The outcome of mediation is up to you and your spouse. You get to decide what is fair. You get to make the rules for your future.
This control is a huge benefit. When you make your own decisions, you are more likely to be happy with the outcome. People who use mediation also tend to follow their agreements better than people who are ordered by a judge.
Mediation is also private. Everything you say in mediation stays in the room. There is no public record of your fights or your finances.
Finally, mediation can help preserve your relationship with your ex-spouse. This is very important if you have children together. You will still need to communicate and co-parent. Mediation teaches you how to solve problems together, which can make co-parenting much easier.
What is Divorce Litigation?
Divorce litigation is the traditional way to get divorced. It means you take your case to court, and a judge makes the final decisions.
Litigation is often called a "contested" divorce. This happens when you and your spouse cannot agree on the terms of your divorce. You might disagree about who gets the house, how much child support should be paid, or who gets custody of the kids.
In litigation, you and your spouse are on opposite sides. It is a formal process with strict rules and deadlines. Because it is so complex, you will almost certainly need a divorce attorney to represent you.
The Steps of the Litigation Process
Litigation is a long and formal process. It involves many steps and a lot of paperwork. Here is what you can expect:
Filing the Complaint:
One spouse (the petitioner) files a formal complaint with the court asking for a divorce. The other spouse (the respondent) is then served with the papers.
Filing an Answer:
The respondent has a certain amount of time to file an answer to the complaint. They can agree or disagree with what the petitioner asked for.
Discovery:
This is the longest and most expensive part of litigation. Both sides must share all their financial and personal information. Your divorce attorney will ask the other side for documents and answers to written questions. They might also take depositions, which is when you have to answer questions under oath in front of a court reporter.
Motions and Hearings:
While the discovery process is going on, there may be temporary issues that need to be decided. For example, who lives in the house or who gets temporary custody of the kids. Your lawyer will file motions, and you will have to go to court for hearings.
Settlement Negotiations:
Most litigated divorces do not actually go to trial. Usually, the lawyers will negotiate and try to reach a settlement before the trial date.
The Trial:
If you cannot reach an agreement, your case will go to trial. Both sides will present evidence and call witnesses. The judge will listen to everything and make the final decisions.
The Final Decree:
The judge will issue a final divorce decree that outlines all the terms of your divorce. Both spouses must obey this order.
The Cost of Litigation
Litigation is very expensive. It is the most costly way to get a divorce.
When you litigate, you have to pay a divorce attorney for every hour they work on your case. This includes writing emails, making phone calls, going to court, and preparing for trial. The longer your case takes, the more it will cost.
A typical litigated divorce can easily cost between $10,000 and $30,000 per spouse. If your case is very complicated or if you and your spouse fight about everything, the cost can go much higher. Some high-conflict divorces cost over $100,000.
You will also have to pay court filing fees and costs for things like expert witnesses (like appraisers or child psychologists).
The Outcomes of Litigation
The outcome of litigation is decided by a judge. The judge will try to make a fair decision based on the law. But the judge does not know you or your family. They only know what they hear in court.
This means you lose control over the outcome. The judge might make a decision that neither you nor your spouse likes.
Litigation is also public. Anyone can go to the courthouse and look at your divorce file. They can see your financial information and read about the arguments you had with your spouse.
Finally, litigation is very stressful. It can take a year or more to finish. It often makes the relationship between you and your ex-spouse much worse. This can make co-parenting very difficult in the future.
When is Litigation the Better Choice?
While mediation is often the best choice, it only works if both spouses are willing to play fair. Here are some situations where you should talk to a divorce attorney about litigation instead:
1. Domestic Violence or Abuse:
If there is a history of physical, emotional, or financial abuse in your marriage, mediation is not a safe choice. In an abusive relationship, one person has all the power. Mediation requires an equal playing field. If you are afraid of your spouse, you cannot negotiate fairly. You need a lawyer to protect you and speak for you in court.
2. Hiding Assets or Lying:
For mediation to work, both spouses must be 100% honest about their money and property. If you think your spouse is hiding money, lying about their income, or secretly spending marital funds, mediation will not work. In litigation, your divorce attorney can use the discovery process to force your spouse to hand over their financial records. They can also hire experts to track down hidden assets.
3. Unwillingness to Compromise:
Mediation is all about compromise. You have to be willing to give a little to get a little. If your spouse is stubborn, wants to fight about every little thing, or refuses to negotiate, mediation will be a waste of time and money. You will eventually end up in court anyway.
4. Complex Legal Issues:
Sometimes, a divorce involves very complicated legal issues. For example, if you own a large business, have complex investments, or are dealing with difficult international custody issues. In these cases, you might need the formal rules of litigation and the help of experts to sort things out properly.
How to Choose the Right Path for You
Choosing between mediation and litigation is a big decision. Here are some steps you can take to help you decide:
Talk to Your Spouse:
If it is safe to do so, talk to your spouse about how they want to handle the divorce. See if they are open to the idea of mediation. If they immediately say they want to fight in court, you know mediation probably won't work.
Assess Your Relationship:
Be honest with yourself about your relationship. Can you communicate without yelling? Can you trust your spouse to be honest about money? Are you both willing to compromise? If the answer is yes, mediation is a good option.
Consider Your Budget:
Look at your finances. Can you afford to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a litigated divorce? If money is tight, mediation is the much smarter choice.
Consult a Professional:
The best way to decide is to talk to an experienced divorce attorney. They can look at the specific facts of your case and give you advice.
How Meason & Morris Law Can Help
At Meason & Morris Law, we have 50 years of combined legal experience. Attorneys Marty Meason and Chris Morris have helped many families in Bartlesville and the surrounding counties navigate the difficult process of divorce.
We understand that every family is different. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to divorce. That is why we offer personalized advice based on your unique situation.
If you choose mediation, we can serve as your consulting attorney. We can review your settlement agreement before you sign it to make sure your rights are protected. We can also help you file the final paperwork with the court.
If litigation is necessary, we are ready to fight for you. We have extensive trial experience and will aggressively protect your interests in court. We will handle all the complex paperwork, gather the necessary evidence, and present a strong case to the judge.
Whether you choose mediation or litigation, our goal is the same: to help you get through this difficult time and move forward with your life.
Moving Forward with Confidence
Divorce is a major life transition. It is normal to feel overwhelmed and scared about the future. But you do not have to go through it alone.
By understanding the differences between mediation and litigation, you are already taking a big step toward taking control of your future. You now know that mediation offers a peaceful, cost-effective, and private way to end your marriage. You also know that litigation is available if you need the court's help to resolve difficult disputes or protect yourself from an abusive or dishonest spouse.
The next step is to get professional advice. A qualified divorce attorney can answer your questions, explain your rights, and help you choose the best path forward.
If you are facing a divorce in Washington, Nowata, Osage, or Rogers counties, contact Meason & Morris Law today. We offer a no-obligation 1-hour consultation for $150. We will listen to your story, explain your options, and help you make a plan for the future.
Call us at (918) 336-6300 or visit our office at 515 SE Delaware Ave, Bartlesville, OK 74003. Let our experienced team guide you through the crossroads of divorce and help you find a new beginning.
Meason & Morris Law is a legal firm led by seasoned attorneys Marty Meason and Chris Morris. We provide a professional experience for all our clients, helping them navigate their legal rights. We focus on Criminal Justice Law (felonies and misdemeanors), Divorce and Family Law, Expungement and Felony Law, Probate Law and also have Trial experience. Serving Washington County, Nowata County, Osage County, Rogers County, Payne County, Pawnee County, and Kay County in Oklahoma.
Meason & Morris Law
515 Delaware Ave
Bartlesville, OK 74003
918-336-6300
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